Diva Demands

15 Jun

So I was pretty amazed by Posh (more like Crazy Ass Mgee) Spice’s list of demands for her dressing room. The gal likes fruit, chewing gum as a snack, and apparently “Whole Foods in the USA.” She must be a real hoot to party with. I pity the fool that is her assistant. While she is a crazy ass, I do have to thank her for inspiring my own version/fantasy list of demands I would have  if I happened to be delusional C-list celebrity. I have listed Posh’s first followed by my own.

“Chopped fresh fruit – cut pineapple with grated lime peel, green seedless grapes, red grapes (frozen), cut-up pear with lemon juice, apples, peeled pink grapefruit, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries. Please DO NOTMIX up the fruit but keep separate. She’s obsessed with fruit and can’t get enough. The list always gets a chuckle from the lackeys who have to go and get this stuff. If we mix the fruit up there’s hell to pay. But it’s Victoria Beckham. What she wants she gets. Plain Green salad (no dressings on it) – balsamic vinegar on the side. This is NOT balsamic vinaigrette but PLAIN balsamic vinegar. The thicker version so either aged/glazed balsamic (buy at Wholefoods in USA) or take regular and reduce it on the hob. There is never a request for anything with more than a handful of calories. We joked about leaving a Big Mac in the dressing room – but we know we’d get fired.”

Other requirements include flavored water, tea, scented candles, iPod speakers, a clean robe, baby wipes, white, cream, or purple flowers, and ‘chewing gum’ as a snack!

If Jackie M—- is to attend one of your events or be on your show, the following items will have to be present in her dressing room or else she will walk. They are in no particular order…

A bottle of ranch dressing, honey mustard, spicy mustard, olive oil mayonaise, and Grey Poupon. French toast crackers and a cheese plate, heavy on the Havarti. Magazines (US Weekly, In Touch, People, Self, Oprah, Marie Claire, Vanity Fair, In Style, Elle, Life & Style, Architectural Digest, Spin, Rolling Stone, Nylon, Prevention). A flat screen at least 32 inches with her favorite programs DVR’d (these are personal and not able to be typed out for it makes her feel too vulnerable). She would like a Hello Kitty Sigg water bottle with fresh spring water from the Colorado Springs only. Three bottles of Peligrino. A six pack of Tangerine beer and Bass beer. A bottle of Imagery Rose wine from Sonoma County. A hot tub and a hammock. A make-up artist and more importantly her hair stylist. Raisinets. Strawberry smoothie imported from Oahu. Fresh cut fruit from the Whole Foods on 4th street in San Francisco.  She wants the fruit mix to contain strawberries, kiwi, cantelope, watermelon, seedless red grapes, and mango. A bottle of chocolate milk, and a banana chocolate milkshake, chicken strips, Fiesta salad from Trader Joes, Zacharys pizza, and a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne. She needs a chaise and a love seat that are of the highest quality along with a cashmere robe. She also needs a bed in case she has to take a nap. The mattress must be rock hard and the bedding must be all white or she freaks out. She would like have a miniature horse and a puppy in the vicinity as well in case she gets bored of the tv.  There must be a live jazz band as well. Last but not least, she needs a sushi chef in the room to prepare her favorite nigiri and rolls. Oh yeah, and a miniature piglet as well….the kind they have in the United Kingdom.

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One Response to “Diva Demands”

  1. Rita June 16, 2010 at 5:43 pm #

    I deal with obtaining entertainer’s riders all the time… It’s a joy (not really) 😛

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