City Living

28 Jan

I am one of San Francisco’s most enthusiastic wingwomen. I’m always bragging about this city and how awesome it is and how beautiful it is and how I feel so lucky to live here. I believe what I’m saying but I’m also leaving out some crucial information about life in the citay by the bay. It’s sort of like when you’re trying to convince someone to go on a blind date with your friend. “She’s pretty and smart and successful and neurotic and borderline bitch.” Sometimes we just focus on the good and turn a blind eye to the bad.

When you live in a major city, especially a small city like San Francisco, you have to be prepared for some “things.” These would be the crossed out qualities that I don’t mention as frequently…..the nitty gritty of the city. I’m starting to think that unless you’ve got a lot of chutzpah, city living is best left for the young or very tolerant.

  1. Neighbors– 90% of the time you will have to endure a sucky neighbor. He will think he either owns the building or that his choice in music is SO FUCKING AWESOME that he should take it upon himself to become the resident DJ of your building.
  2. Landlords– become familiar with the SF Tenants Union because you will eventually need their help due to corrupt landlords running wild.
  3. Rent– Also sucky and very expensive. Unless you are willing to have 3 roommates, prepare to bid adieu to half your income. I was recently told by the husband of a family I babysit to “marry rich” if I want to own property here. This bit of advice was a fast pass to depressingville.
  4. 911– You will call it frequently. Perhaps like when I called last Saturday after my neighbors (who engage in domestic abuse on the regular) decided to break their window to pieces at 4:30 in the morning.
  5. Homicides– No worries, there’s just a drug circle that has taken over the neighborhood a few blocks from you (Lower Haight).  24 homicides already in the month of January? Cool!
  6. Hipsters/Scenesters
  7. MUNI- While it is convenient, there will always be a crackhead on your bus at some point during your commute, usually in the morning.

Other than that, I love this damn city. Checkbook and pepper spray in hand!

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5 Responses to “City Living”

  1. Rita January 28, 2011 at 12:43 am #

    Maybe I’m just lucky, but only once out of the 5-6 or so years of actually living in apartments in SF have I dealt with a shitty neighbor. And not once have I had a shitty landlord! Also I rarely call 911 – Actually, I don’t think I ever have while living in the city!

  2. Vintage Barbie January 28, 2011 at 1:30 am #

    City living is like Forest Gump’s metaphorical box of chocolates. Rita obviously got the cherry creams and you got the nuts. In beautiful SF it’s all sweet!!!

  3. little twerp! January 28, 2011 at 7:33 am #

    Um FYI this is REALLLLLLLLY well written. Funny and thoughtful and self-deprecating in all the right places. Just thought you should know.

    • Kim January 28, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

      Second this!

      • ruby daggett January 28, 2011 at 11:59 pm #

        Third it!

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